Loving is an Art, the most instinctive and powerful of all.
According to countless researches of cultural anthropology, in line with the most advanced psychological studies, people are born to love.
In a more or less correct and satisfactory way, this feeling as intense as complex is also the source of our existence. Our creativity and many emotions depend on love.
Knowing the evolution of love within a couple allows us to deepen our own essence.
Many might be skeptical when hearing that “love is everything”. Culturally we are cynical and perplexed about this idea. From a biological and anthropological point of view, this feeling, this vital and revolutionary impulse has nevertheless allowed us to assert ourselves as a species.
Because love does not only facilitate the consolidation of a couple and the birth of children. A love relationship gives space to cooperation, makes us feel the object of the attention and the care of another person.
Love offers us the space we need to reduce anxiety and stress, erases fears and other negative emotions.
Awakens our creative side.
Understanding and deepening the evolution of love within a couple allows us to see how, in every phase of our relationship, extremely positive and fulfilling sensations are hidden.
It is very laborious to make the evolution of love within a relationship last over time. We must work it and base it on intuition and understanding. Heart and mind must collaborate to consolidate the instinctive empathy that has made us choose each other.
However, there are many couples who do not resist for long: the causes and effects are multiple and are there for all to see. Arthur Shopenhauer already more than a century ago had elaborated “the porcupine dilemma”.
In this dilemma he affirmed the manifestation of the explosive force to aggregate and the desire to be close to each other, but at the same time he warned about being “pricked”, with the risk of getting seriously hurt.
Experience shows us that “pricking”, that is, denying freedom to ourselves or to our partner is the best way to mortify a relationship, making it become sterile of emotions, suffocating and trivial, boring and accustomed, to the point of making attractive the search for transgression. In summary, the freer a relationship is, the longer it will last.
Every love story, however, evolves in “phases”.
Falling in love.
The first stage is also the most pleasant. Falling in love represents a prelude full of mysteries, fantasies and new discoveries, and is an explosive cocktail of dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and norepinephrine.
Everything is particularly intense at this stage. Emotions are uncontrolled, like sexual impulses and for our brain nothing is more significant than the desired person. We are ready for anything to satisfy our hormones. And it is not a question of age or sex: more or less intensely, falling in love involves us all.
After this lightning strike that awakened us with a wave of hormones full of passion and attraction, we approach another stage. The evolution of love in the couple reaches a new stage: the doubt: Will the relationship have the same meaning for both? Will he/she/* be with me at all times? Can I rely on this person?
These questions make us enter the phase of romantic love. Passion remains, but with it fears and worries arise. Most of all, however, we are assailed by the desire to be bound to our loved one. It is one of the most authentic stages in a couple relationship. Life paths are undertaken in which the infatuation of falling in love gives way to a sense of authentic trust, combined with the utmost respect for the partner.
Represents the goal of loving evolution. There are many couples, even in old age who claim to be still in the phase of romantic love, which guarantees the continuity of a very fulfilling bond.
On the other hand, it is correct to emphasize the importance of working on the consolidation of a mature love. It’s about the ability to build a solid commitment, to see in the other the best teammate.
We must value the partner by behaving with tenderness and affection, making sure that the partner in turn shares the same values.
In this way our relationship will be a careful and understanding emotional bond that will enrich both equally.
“In Love, passion is the fastest to develop and the fastest to disappear. Intimacy develops more slowly and engagement even more gradually. (Robert Sternberg)